Hick Nation News: “No Kings Parade” Canceled After Nobody Wanted to Be King — Meanwhile, Real Kings Are in the Field
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Hick Country — In a stunning turn of events that shocked absolutely no one outside the city limits, the much-hyped “No Kings Parade” has been officially canceled.
Why? Because the parade committee couldn’t find anyone willing to be king for the day. Apparently, sitting on a float waving at folks is too oppressive now.
Meanwhile, out here in the real world — where the crowns are sweat-stained ball caps and the thrones are busted-up tailgates — America’s true royalty is clocking in, feeding stock, baling hay, fixing tractors, and making the world turn while the parade folks are still arguing over who gets to hold the clipboard.
Real Kings Don’t Cancel. They Clock In.
At HICK Wear, we’re not looking for a head organizer — we’ve already got one: his name’s “hard work.”
That’s why we launched two new shirts for the people who don’t need a crown to lead:
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“MAKE AMERICA HICK AGAIN” — because this country was built by the calloused hands of folks who never needed a safe space, just a solid handshake.
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“COUNTRY KINGS” — a salute to every man and woman holding it down in boots, not boardrooms.
They’re bold, funny, and built to remind the world that the people with dirt under their nails are the ones still keeping it clean.
Grab yours now at www.hickwear.com — before the next committee meeting gets canceled for “hurt feelings.”
🪶 From The Front Porch Press Desk
The Hick editorial board (which meets daily over black coffee and bacon) has concluded that if America had more HICKS and fewer hashtags, we’d all be better off.
Backroads are smoother than bureaucracies, hard work builds better character than complaints, and country folks never needed a “king” — they’ve got community.
So go ahead — make America Hick again.
Laugh loud. Work hard. Love your land.
And remember: being “Rural By Birth” ain’t a trend — it’s a birthright.
Join the Movement
The Hick lifestyle isn’t about where you’re from — it’s about what you’re made of. So gear up, head out, and wear your pride.
👉 Shop the latest Hick Brand Clothing drops at www.hickwear.com
👉 Tag us in your posts @HickWear and show off your “Rural by Birth” style
Because out here, being a Hick ain’t an insult — it’s a compliment.